The Passing

How do I begin? Our big beautiful boy is gone, the laughs and smiles he brought us are gone too! This week Ozzie was starting to go down hill. Any exertion would be a strain and his breathing became troubled. His appetite had changed. He was not eating his kibble and would practically eat only food I gave him by hand. When I spoke to the vet on the phone she suggested that perhaps a single round of IV chemo may help but that was no sure thing. Tuesday night we struggled to get him out to go potty. My husband had to carry him down the stairs to the garage door to the yard. When he put him down his legs collapsed from under him and he was just gasping for air. I was sure that was it. It took him a while to calm and catch his breath and eventually we get him back in the house though he never went potty.

That night my husband slept with him in the living room. Ozzie did manage to get up on the couch to snuggle with him. The morning brought the situation into light. He would not go out and though he seemed interested in the food he could not eat. We called the vet and unfortunately neither Dr D or Dr Tracey were in. There were other vets all very competent to examine Oz but not the same when you are in panic mode. We brought him in and his breathing was intense. The vet we saw Dr S had a phone consultation with Dr D and based on his condition there were no more treatment options. The only one was euthanasia. We looked at our wonderful boy lying on the floor of the examining room panting, his tongue bluish from the lack of oxygen. Why did this happen so soon, why were we not going to have more time with him?! As the vet explained the procedure we struggled to get our heads to accept that we had reached the end. 
We decided we wanted to be there when they inject the lethal dose of sedative into him to put him down. They first brought him in the back to put a catheter in his arm and give him a dose of Valium like sedative to calm him. Then they brought our beautiful boy back in the examining room with us. We sat around on the floor with him and held our breath as the vet gave the final injection. It happened quickly and quietly. Our big boy was asleep forever. It was the last loving act of mercy in exchange for his suffering and pain.We thanked the vet who had tears in her eyes too and walked away with an empty collar. 

In memory of Ozzie our beloved bullie boy. 7/31/07-02/07/13

We are still walking around our house in disbelief. Where did he go? Why did this have to happen? I cannot bear to put his toys away yet. I know we need to focus on the love and happiness he brought us no matter how short the time was. I know we will adopt and love another dog again, though there will never be another Ozzie. We miss him something awful but know that we will see him again and that he waits for us over the other side of the rainbow bridge.